I’ve thought long and hard about how I wanted to approach this week’s blog because, if I’m being honest, it hasn’t been an easy one. There were tears. I felt frustrated, overwhelmed, bored, sad, lonely, and completely over this current season. But thank you, Jesus, that those feelings don’t get the final say. He is good, and He is faithful through every storm. So, what am I going to do for this blog? Testify to the Lord’s goodness.
If I’m being honest, adjusting to South Africa hasn’t been the easiest for me. I had found a rhythm in Guatemala and was thriving in it. We had a full schedule with a busy ministry. Most days, we’d leave at 9 a.m. and return around 5 p.m., exhausted but fulfilled. We were constantly surrounded by people—whether it was our squad of 35, ministry hosts, villagers, or anyone we met while we were out.
Here, it’s different. Most of the time, it’s just my team of 15, with few others around. (If you want to know more about my ministry, check out last week’s blog.) Another change has been not seeing immediate fruit from the ministry. In Guatemala, it was easier to see the impact. We witnessed God working in people’s hearts and showing them His love. Here, it’s been harder. For example, we’ve planned worship nights where no one showed up, and a kids’ day where none came the first day, and only three the next. It’s been discouraging at times.
On top of that, I feel a bit stuck on the property we’re living on. There isn’t much to do in this small town, and without access to a car (unless we ask our kind friend Rudolf for a ride), it’s a long walk to get anywhere. And walking in the midday heat, with a UV index of 14, isn’t ideal. So, we often find ourselves staying on the property when we’re not doing ministry. The town gives a small, rural vibe, and honestly, it sometimes feels more like we’re in the States than halfway across the world.
All of this has made the thought, “I want to go home,” pop up more than once. I’ve missed my family and friends a lot, especially with the holidays and the 8-hour time difference. My breaking point came the other day. After no one showed up for the worship night, I felt exhausted—exhausted from doing what felt like nothing. I was frustrated with my team, our ministry, and this season of life. I found myself looking back to Guatemala and longing for Swaziland, where I’ll be reunited with the rest of my squad. I called my best friend and cried to her on the phone, only for the WiFi to cut out mid-call. Feeling defeated, I sat in the field, looked up at the stars, and—humbly and honestly—cried.
But the Lord has met me here in powerful ways. He’s shown me that my joy in Him is not circumstantial. I can rest in Him, and He is enough. It’s easy to complain in this season, but it’s just as easy to reflect on all the good God has done. He’s given me peace—and, somehow, only through Him—so much joy.
Do I have my moments? Of course. But God is bigger than those moments. He sustains me when nothing and no one else can. The Lord has been teaching me that if I can find comfort in Him alone, I can find comfort anywhere. I believe God has us here for a reason. Even if no one comes to a worship night, we get to intercede and pray for them. When we go out, we get to be a light for Christ. The seeds we plant are not ours to grow. Trusting God with that can be hard, but it was never ours to carry in the first place.
My team has so much hope for Heidelberg—that the chairs in this church will one day be filled with people hungry for the Lord, desperate for His presence, and fully surrendered to Him. We’ve had visions and dreams of revival in this town. While we may not be the ones to see it, we can still cover this place in prayer. And hey, who knows what the Lord has planned for the next few weeks? I’m excited to find out.
How You Can Be Praying:
•For fresh fire for the Lord
•To be content in Him
•To find joy in each moment
•For the town of Heidelberg and the people we’re ministering to
Thank you so much for reading! I know this blog wasn’t as “fun” this week, but I’m grateful for your support. I miss you all more than words can say.
With love,
Ashlyn
We will be praying alongside of you! How wonderful our Father is for you to be reminded that at all times He is there to love on you and comfort you when you need Him most. I can’t help but think that the call with your best friend cut out so that you could spend time crying out to your very best friend, our Abba Father. Sending you love as you serve Him faithfully.
Hey love you Ashlyn, i’ll be praying for you. Stay strong!
It sounds like it was a rough week for you. A lot of adjustments and the holidays to make you think of home and family. Keep the faith and remember that God is still working through you even if you can’t see it right away. We love you and are so very proud of you!!
Love, Aunt Carol
Hey Ashlyn! Praying for you and your team. I’m so proud of the honesty and praise you’ve shared not only with us but with yourself as well! You have grown so much and are a light to those around. Love you girly
I love your honesty. You may never know the fruit that is being produced when you choose faithfulness when it’s hard, when it’s monotonous, and when it feels like it’s not making a difference anyway. But faithfulness is evidence of your own fruit. Proud of you!
I’m so sorry you had a rough beginning in South Africa. Although South Africa isn’t the same as Guatemala, I know God has amazing plans for a brighter walk and His plans are always better than ours. Hang in there Sweetheart. Good is coming! XOXO
I’ll email you something I wanted to include in my comment but couldn’t figure out how to include it!
#oldpeopleprobs
Love you Sweet Ashlyn,
Mary
It was so encouraging to hear your honesty. God is with you Ashlyn and we are praying for you.